Welcome to Feel-Goodish Friday.

Three things happening in the world today which we can feel goodish about:

1. We are not about to be obliterated by an asteroid. Today is World Asteroid Day, when we are encouraged to ‘raise our awareness of asteroids.’ As far as I’m aware there is nothing one can do to prevent one’s planet being knocked out of the sky by a gigantic rock. The only thing we need to be aware of is that it’s apparently not imminent. Excellent news.

2. Sarah Vine is a twat. I know we already know this but this week she has reached peak twatness. In her online ‘column’ for The Daily Mail (which I only read so that you don’t have to) she declares that all women fall into two types; Dianas or Camillas. Dianas are ‘bewitching, beautiful and desirable’ but also selfish lunatics. Camillas are ‘the pit-ponies to the Diana thoroughbred’, having to work hard to get noticed because ‘their appeal is not obvious’ which has the advantage of making them fun and entertaining. I can’t tell you how relieved I am to know that I fit squarely into neither of Vine’s categories, being both desirable AND entertaining, obvs… (or more accurately, a lunatic pit-pony) and this therefore means I am not a ‘woman’ and can just crack on with being, y’know, a human.

3. Duckenfield is going DOWN. #justiceforthe96

The Award for Outstanding Public Feel-Goodishness this week goes to: the creators of InspiroBot.me, an app which generates ‘unlimited amounts of unique inspirational quotes for endless enrichment of pointless human existence.’ My favourite today:

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The Award for Outstanding Private Feel-Goodishness this week goes to: my girl, who has finished her exams and flies to Greece tomorrow thereby affording me my own mini-break of HAVING THE HOUSE TO MYSELF EVERY DAY AND NOT BEING CONSTANTLY HOUNDED BY QUESTIONS LIKE WHAT IS A SONNET AND WHAT DO I KNOW ABOUT PRE-WAR GERMAN THEATRE AND WHY ARE THERE NO DECENT REVISION SNACKS IN THIS PISSING HOUSE?

Next week, I shall be mostly lolling.

Do join me…