Welcome to Feel-Goodish Friday, where we attempt to identify three bits of shizzle happening in the world today which make us feel goodish.
1. Pippa Middleton’s wedding will be shit. We already suspected this because of the guest list (no plebs to liven things up) but it has now been confirmed that it will be twelve hours of pure undiluted arseholery due to her alleged request for all guests to please have a second outfit to change into for the evening. NB: she may not have said ‘please’. Also: she almost certainly doesn’t mean onesies and trainers. Society weddings = GAH.
2. Treeza is sad about not having kids. We know this coz she finally said it and made a teeny crack appear in her voice. Her admission of this during the lead-up to her (please God) ONLY general election is in no way a cynical ploy to attempt to make her seem more humanish. Never mind Treeza, having a Prime Minister for a parent is not always a healthy thing: see Carol and Mark Thatcher.
3. Jeremy Corbyn can make cars run over people with THE POWER OF HIS COMMUNIST MIND. It has been pointed out by our balanced and non-partisan media that despite not being behind the wheel himself, the fact that the car he was in drove over the foot of a cameraman is clear evidence of his political buffoonery and general lack of professionalism. Ah, election japes. What a time to be alive…
The award for Outstanding Public Feel-Goodishness this week goes to: Freddie Flintoff and Gok Wan for talking openly about their eating disorders. It’s a shame they did it on Loose Women (a show which makes me want to tear my womb out and force-feed it to Coleen Nolan) but still, excellent bravery and surely radical for some fellas out there suffering in silence.
The award for Outstanding Private Feel-Goodishness this week goes to: ME. Because I am not drinking on these antibiotics. Because I am looking after myself. Because I am VERY brave. Because I am smiling again and showing you a rare pic of me just smiling and not contorting my face.
See you Monday…