The country is going to the dogs, it has been confirmed.
Big packs of them are soon to be seen once again running madly through our green and pleasant land, followed by loads of lovely down-to-earth people on horses who definitely NEED to hunt and torture defenceless animals and then sink a vat of brandy because that is their culture and tradition.
Culture and traditions MATTER. Some of our finest institutions are being demolished by namby-pamby socialists who want to end all fun.
Those socialists want to send us back to the seventies with all their talk of improving schools and the NHS. Where’s the fun in THAT?
We must go back further than the seventies if we really want to make Britain great again; much further into our long and proud history, when everything was strong and stable and it wasn’t against the law to persecute people who you quite rightly knew to be inferior and smelly. It is time to for Treeza to get much more repealy:
- Slavery. Can anyone come up with a single reason why this perfectly sound economic solution to boosting profits is still illegal? We need another vote on this. It’s been yonks since we checked if it’s still not okay.
- Child labour. All I have to say about this is that ever since they stopped kids scurrying up chimneys, we’ve been getting terrible blow-back problems. Time to revisit.
- Wife-beating. What is the point in enforcing laws that only serve one half of the population? This is why divorce rates are so high. Back on the agenda please.
- Free education. Is it just me or can you see how society has disintegrated in direct proportion to the number of plebs who are learning to read and write? We need to shut everyone up. Education for the rich from now on.
- Workers rights. Who is getting out of bed every day and making huge decisions so that a tiny group of people can make a huge fortune? Not the workers, I can tell you. They can have rights when they start running big businesses. Until then, pop on your cloth cap and be humble.
- War. We haven’t had a proper one for ages. A free vote on the return of soldiers to horse-back with bayonets, please.
- The insane. Let’s get back to calling them what they are, LOONIES. Enough with the touchy-feely-awarey nonsense. Who ever heard of an insane business leader or politician? A repeal of the mental health act, please. Bring back asylums.
- Voting. May a vote about voting be the last vote we ever have to endure. We must stop the madness of allowing plebs to decide the direction of our great nation. End democracy NOW.
If we want to see any of these improvements we must vote May in June and end this joyless drag race. (Drag race: when they chase a fella or a scent instead of a fox…which is simply not the same, old chap…)
We have to do SOMETHING. Society is FALLING APART.
For instance, last night I, like many other women, some of whom are (deep breath) SINGLE and some of whom are (deeper breath) LESBIANS and some of whom are (hold your breath) JUST HUMAN FEMALES WITH ARMS, had to PUT OUR OWN BINS OUT…
It’s Armageddon, I tell you!