Welcome to the regular feature, Feel-Goodish Friday, where we attempt to identify people and events which have made us feel goodish this week.

Three things in the world which we can feel goodish about today:

  1. Tilda Swinton is tipped to be the next Dr Who. I had to stop watching the show when the plots became more confusing than an episode of Melvyn Bragg’s ‘In Our Time’ and I went to university and everything. But if Swinton is ON, this family is back ON…
  2. The POTUS’s press conference yesterday. The writers of this American reality TV show really are asking us to suspend too much disbelief now. No way will this show get a second season…right?
  3. Today is National Random Acts of Kindness day. This means you must do something nice for someone. I am CONSTANTLY being INCREDIBLY nice to EVERYBODY, sometimes even my own children, so I will not be observing this awareness day until its opposite exists: Random Acts of Selfishness. Being selfish is something I need to be much more awarey about…

The award for Outstanding Public Feel-Goodishness this week goes to: June Brown aka Dot Cotton from Eastenders who turned 90 yesterday. (NB international readers, Eastenders is a British soap where everyone is very angry, has very poor pronunciation and all live in very pokey houses – please do still visit Britain where we also have that other famous 90 yr old national treasure who lives in a palace, has excellent pronunciation and loves crowns). Our Dot wins this award for reaching 90 whilst still smoking 20 cigs a day. This makes arsehole smokers like me feel very goodish indeed (though still arsholey obvs)…

The award for Outstanding Private Feel-Goodishness this week goes to: my brother-in-law. He came to stay last weekend and imparted some new swears, the best of which was the term ‘tit-rash.’ It seems to me that tit-rash can be deployed on an epic scale. Over the last week I have used it as: 1. an exclamation, when dropping a full cup of coffee, “fucking tit-rash!” 2. a description, “my face looks like tit-rash.” 3. a put-down, to youngest child who won’t go to sleep, “you are a tit-rash.” I loved it so much I wrote it down on the notice board in the kitchen so as not to forget it, causing eldest child to ask after the health of my mammaries…

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Next week is half-term in the Annagram house. I have no wife and no nanny, nor a child who is prepared to attend any half-term holiday clubs. This may be the last time I can attend to you for some time.

Know that I will miss you as I drown in flat whites at over-priced play areas and play Minecraft for seventeen thousand hours whilst still attempting to maintain my quota of 20 fags a day…aaaaah, I’ll make those kids proud of me yet…

See you soon x