Attention All Women!

Two highly paid, white, middle-aged, male celebrities are in the middle of a twitter spat about whether it’s ok for you to be a feminist.

I feel sure the outcome of this global event will be the clarification of exactly which kind of women are allowed to be cross about inequality, according to the fellas.

On one side of the ‘debate’ we have hot, talented, culture-defining actor with a knock-out smile, Ewan McGregor.

On the other side we have cold, talentless, culture-draining TV presenter with a teeny-tiny mouth, Piers Morgan.

Ewan was lined up to appear on Good Morning Britain this morning to promote the new Trainspotting sequel, T2. In make-up he discovered Morgan was the host and promptly walked out, tweeting: ‘didn’t realise @piersmorgan was host. Won’t go on with him after his comments about #WomensMarch.’

Of course, to ‘rabid feminists’ like me (Morgan’s phrase), this protest on my behalf sends his ‘hot’ rating off the chart. We angry women do so love a fella who’s brave enough to match our might.

But to Morgan, this was evidence of McGregor being a coward. He tweeted: ‘a real man would have come on and debated with me’.

Firstly, a DEBATE? On Good Morning Britain?

Secondly, a DEBATE? On Good Morning Britain?

Thirdly, a DEBATE? On Good Morning Britain?

Furious at McGregor’s lack of manliness, Morgan took to his other platform for self-righteous condemnation, his column on The Daily Mail online.

He lambasted McGregor for failing to carry out his contractual obligation to promote the movie. (I reckon Danny Boyle will probs be fine with it).

He also lambasted McGregor for not being Elvis. The King said he didn’t wanna get into politics coz he was all about the money, I mean, the MUSIC.

He then reminded us that Madonna is foul-mouthed (which is why we love her, Piers) and Lesley Judd made cruel incest jokes about Ivanka Trump (erm, first made by Ivanka’s daddy) at the women’s march which was full of ‘nasty women’ (like those massive well-known feminazi bitches Dame Helen Mirren, Whoopi Goldberg, Charlize Theron and Jane Fonda) and featured ‘crude and offensive’ signs on display, which used crass words like ‘pussy’ – YAK.

Of course we know, and Morgan knows, that what really upset him about McGregor’s protest tweet, was that he had no idea Piers Morgan was the host. And there was Piers thinking he was finally a somebody…

This assertion that Ewan should separate his personal opinions from his public persona is the same ol’ wank we women are subjected to. Ok, be a woman if you have to, but don’t be all womany in the workplace. Ok, you want to be able to not die from an illegal abortion, but do we have to discuss it over dinner?

The thing is Piers, as many a rabid feminazi will tell you, the personal IS political when you’re a woman and are watching as a bunch of powerful, white men in suits in the oval office sign-off your rights over your productive organs.

The personal IS political when who you are, what you are, is seen as an idea that can be ‘debated.’ Morgan and Trump can easily separate politics from life because it’s not THEIR life which is being decimated by law.

Morgan can take it like Mrs Merton and say, ‘let’s have a political debate’ because the oppression of women, of races, of sexualities, of immigrants, of the poor and the weak and the vulnerable, are just IDEAS for him to form a political opinion about and then pour himself a glass of prosecco.

McGregor didn’t want to treat the oppression of women as a topic for ‘debate’ on a morning TV show with a twat.

His protest today is GREAT, because while it won’t change Morgan’s rigid mind about which women are allowed to be angry, it might make a few other fellas get on board.

As with the suffragettes, when powerful, wealthy fellas with a lot to lose start calling out sexism, that’s when it transforms from being a minority issue, into a movement.

Choose Nasty. Choose Feminazi. Choose Madonna. Choose Mirren. Choose Ewan!