Welcome to this week’s Feel-Good(ish) Friday!

New readers: every Friday we select three things in the world right now that make us feel good(ish) – submissions can be made via this ‘ere blog or on the Annagram facebook page. We also give two awards; one for a public figure who’s done something to make us feel good(ish), and one personal award I give to someone in my life who is especially good(ish) this week. ‘Ish’ because however lovely some things may be, we must never fully avert our eyes from the shit-storm of hairy, orange bollocks that is existence…

The three things we can feel good(ish) about in the world today are (thank you for your suggestions readers):

  1. Gwyneth Paltrow is a money-grabbing, lying arsehole, it has been confirmed. Respected gynecologist Dr. Jen Gunter has cracked the shell of bullshit about ‘jade yoni eggs’ which GP flogs on her lifestyle-for-twats website goop for $66 each. Ram the jade egg up your yoni (aka vag – see Me and my yoni… for more info) 24hrs a day to “boost orgasms, vaginal muscle tone, hormonal balance and feminine energy.” Gunter says: BIGGEST LOAD OF GARBAGE. You’ll probs get toxic shock syndrome or a really sore yoni. And WTAF is “feminine energy”? I think it’s just like normal energy but with shellac nails. Hooray for Gunter making us feel-good(ish) about our non-celeb vaginas!
  2. Posh kids make noise. Residents in Notting Hill are outraged by the noise-level created by sprogs at the £6,865/term Wetherby Prep, Prince George’s school from September. The playground (which has been there for decades) encourages “intolerable screaming children” to “hurl bouncing balls” all over the place in a quite unseemly display of joy and merriment. Sometimes, some residents of these £4.3million homes find they are unable to even “gather their thoughts” over morning coffee, such is the cacophony of ball-bouncing (on one occasion, four balls were at play AT THE SAME TIME). I just don’t know how anyone living near one of the 24,372 schools in this country ever manages to gather a single thought. The reason this makes it onto the list is because it’s very feel-good(ish) to learn that money can’t buy you quiet children…
  3. Mexican fella Roberto Cabrera, 54, has the world’s largest penis. Measuring 20 inches, it reaches to his knees and sleeps on its own pillow at night. The downside is he can’t have sex, as one look at his penis makes our yonies shrivel up. He makes it on to the list because he wants to move to America where he believes he will find a woman the “right size” for him. It makes me feel-good(ish) to think he may be the only Mexican allowed into America after The Wall thanks to the huge spike (sorry) of revenue he will bring for the porn industry of which Trump is reportedly so fond…

The award for Outstanding Public Achievement of Feel-Good(ish)ness this week goes to: The people behind the movement to make Joe Biden the 45th President of the USA for a day, thereby making Trump the 46th President and fucking up all his merchandising shizzle. It didn’t happen, but the pleasure of the thought was extremely feel-good(ish).

The award for Outstanding Personal Feel-Good(ish)ness goes to my eldest. Regular readers will know she had an audition for Uni this week. I can report that she did good and did not need the Hamlet speech. The ‘ish’ remains coz we don’t know if she’s got in yet. But either way, she be my shining star and seeing as I normally can’t stand her, this is very feel-good(ish) indeed.

May your weekend be filled NOT with tears for Obama or marching down the streets of your town, but with much hugging. Tomorrow is National Hug Day. I find there’s nothing as feel-good as a hug from a baby that isn’t your own. If you have nobody to hold, just hug yourself all day. NB: internally hugging a yoni egg is NOT allowed.

See you Monday…

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