Today I am launching a new regular feature.(When I say ‘launching’, I just mean telling you about it…)

Every Friday will now be ‘Feel-Good(ish) Friday!

‘Ish’ because we don’t want to get too carried away with idea of feeling good. Our best hope is to arrive at the final working day of the week feeling moderately better about this gigantic shit-burger of existence than we did on Monday.

This new feature will feature the following features:

  1. At least three things that we can feel good(ish) about in the world today
  2. An award for Outstanding Public Good(ish)ness for the person in the public eye who has done the most good(ish) thing or made us feel the most good(ish) this week
  3. An award for Outstanding Personal Good(ish)ness for someone in my life who has been especially good(ish) this week

To achieve all of the above, we must avert our gaze from the calamity of miseries, both small and large, which befall our everyday lives and try to focus on the glimmers of good(ish)ness instead. This will not be easy. Especially next Friday when a colossal anus will have just moved into the White House…

The three things which I have selected as feel-good(ish) in the world today are:

  1. The four swear-words featured in last night’s episode of Eastenders. Between them Sharon and Michelle said: arse, bloody, shagging and bastard. Arse and bloody are deemed to be in the ‘mild’ strength category according to Ofcom. Shagging is ‘medium’. But bastard is ‘strong’. This makes me very feel-good(ish) because we can now surely look forward to kids hearing other words in the ‘strong’ category pre-watershed including: bellend, minge and snatch…
  2. The list published today of which UK politicians were the most sweary on twitter in 2016. The winner was Labour MP Jamie Reed with 20 swears. In second place is Labour MP Michael Dugher with 17 swears. Dugher’s response to the result on twitter this morning is what makes me all feel-good(ish): ‘I can’t believe I came fucking second’…
  3. The news that Trump is struggling to get any celebs to agree to turn up to his inauguration next Friday. Obama had Aretha Franklin, Dustin Hoffman, Samuel L. Jackson, Tom Hanks, Denzel Washington, Oprah Winfrey, Beyoncé, Steven Spielberg and Tiger Woods. So far, Trump has secured only Jackie Evanche, America’s Got Talent runner-up in 2010. This news is almost so good as to make us entirely feel-good, but we maintain the ‘ish’ coz he’s still gonna be the actual president an’ that…

The award for Outstanding Public Good(ish)ness goes this week to:  All The Staff Working In The NHS (aka the National Humanitarian-Crisis Service). After watching BBC2’s new programme ‘Hospital’ on Weds, their skills and dedication led to a wholly feel-good response. They all deserve a pay rise, a massage, a week off and for THE GOVERNMENT TO GET A GODDAM FUCKING GRIP. This last factor qualifies the ‘ish’.

The award for Outstanding Personal Good(ish)ness goes to my lovely mate who this time last week had just come out of intensive care after falling into a chemotherapy-related coma, and tonight is GOING OUT TO THE CINEMA WITH HER MATES. Whadda gal. Whaddan NHS. The only ‘ish’ here is coz she’s still got a long way to go, but I fully expect her to be completely feel-good by the time Trump is impeached for paying a Russian prostitute to dress up as Eva Braun and piss on him while calling him Adolf.

Happy Feel-Good(ish) Friday folks!

See you Monday