Trumpism has already laid me out.

Can I be open with you?

I have not been able to trump with confidence for 36 hours now.

Good Things about being house-bound:

  1. You can binge-watch The Crown on Netflix. This fine British drama will remind you that any attempts made by this strange tribe to appear like a normal family are as futile as Trump’s attempts to appear comfortable next to a black fella in the Oval Office. A young Prince Phil needs someone to hold his ashtray! King George needs two fellas to fix his collar! Princess Liz has to curtsey to her own Mum!
  2. You realise you must immediately appropriate the ways of the Royals. Order and hierarchy must be restored in your liberal, chaotic household where your youngest child already knows the phrase ‘fuck me up a bitch’…
  3. Watching King George succumb to lung cancer while sucking away on fags makes you wonder if your enforced 36 hour nicotine-break should be seen as an opportunity…
  4. Between episodes of regal-porn, you dick about on facebook and rediscover the rather brill voice that is Russell Brand who seems to be the only person saying anything meaningful or hopeful about Trumpism. Along with that fella Rants N Bants. When the only people talking any political sense are the comedians, you know that either you are seriously delirious with malady, or the whole world is…
  5. As the cramps begin to subside, you are overwhelmed with gratitude that your health is improving by the minute. This gratitude, coupled with an excessive amount of time spent in despair on social media/with the Windsors, leads you to make rash proclamations to your children from the bathtub, ala Churchill: KIDS! WE GOTTA GET A NEW POLITICAL PARTY STARTED! DON’T THINK TRUMP IS JUST AN AMERICAN IDIOT! IF HE CAN MAKE IT THERE, HE’LL MAKE IT ANYWHERE! (And several other statements based on titles from the Great American Songbook)…
  6. Realise you cannot be remotely arsed to start a revolution at the mo…
  7. Make a cuppa
  8. Netflix
  9. Facebook
  10. The revolution will begin on Monday

See you then!