I greet you on this first morning of my 44th year feeling full of excitement for the day ahead and also vodka leftover from yesterday.

NB: when I say full of vodka I mean I can still feel it buzzing about me body, NOT that I am guzzling the dregs for elevenses…

The downing of birthday alcohol will not commence until 1pm at which time I shall be lolling about with my sis in an extremely cool bar situated in the sky above Manchester.

Today I am not mumming or working or thinking about anything more taxing than whether to have a Cosmo or a Mojito and how do we get out of this sky bar so we can smoke?

I share my bday with two astounding public figures. One is famous for depicting the scenes of the industrial north of England. The other is famous for not liking doctors and has never knowingly set his Italian-hand-made-brogued foot in the north of England.

LS Lowry landed here in my great northern neighbourhood on this day in 1887. It was a difficult birth and his mum was gutted about his penis. She’d wanted a girl. The fact that I know this and you now know this means he must have also known it which may account for his later depictions of a young naked girl being kinda tortured…

His mother didn’t live to see her ‘clumsy boy’ (as she described him) become an artistic legend. And of course I know how he feels, though the ‘becoming an artistic legend’ aspect is something I am still waiting for, along with my secret angry-porny phase.

Tory Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt landed in London on this day in 1966. He is a breath-taking arsehole. His secret writings describing the barbaric torture of NHS junior doctors will surely be unearthed post-mortem.

Birthdays are a good opportunity to make some new resolutions, much more so than on New Years Day when you need all your addictive behaviours close-at-hand.

My resolutions for the coming year include:

  1. To pay more attention to my facial hairs
  2. To pay more attention to my husband as long as he continues to pay no attention to my facial hairs
  3. To pay more attention to my children as long as they are being interesting and deserve it
  4. To pay less attention to my clothes-size, chins, wrinkles, body hair (except facial)
  5. To pay less attention to the constant voice in my thick head which tells me I am a breathtaking arsehole because life is short and I kinda need to crack on with being an artistic legend now
  6. To pay NO attention to ANYONE whilst playing with my new selfie stick which is my absolute favourite bday pressie and will open up a whole new world of self-portraiture for me and thus, for you…

May your day be as boozy and selfie-filled as mine…