Shocking news just in…

An overpaid arsehole popstar has been behaving like an overpaid arsehole popstar!


Justin Bieber, who began his highly-lucrative career as an international megastar at the age of thirteen (which as we all know is the ideal age to be globally adored, ensuring a perfectly grounded adolesence filled with normal things like skipping school, earning millions of dollars, driving sports cars whilst high on weed and having no friends who aren’t in your employ) has turned out to be a bit of a twat.

At several of his recent gigs, he’s been getting all cross with his fans because they won’t SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN TO MY FUCKING AWESOME MUSIC YOU OBNOXIOUS, UNGRATEFUL, MORONIC, HORMONAL TWEENS. (I paraphrase a bit).

These fans may have spent hundreds of pounds on a ticket and on his perfumes and books and calendars and posters and dolls and t-shirts and hoodies, but that does NOT give them the right to behave disrespectfully towards their idol who has, bless him, had to endure a long flight on a private jet and an overnight stay in a fivestar hotel, all so that he can ‘bring smiles to people’s faces’.

Well, mission unaccomplished Justin. Your Beliebers were NOT smiling when you threw down your mic, flounced off stage and later came back on to inform them that they just couldn’t handle your talent…

Ah, ’twas ever thus…

By 1966 Beatlemania was starting to piss off the band. George Harrison reflected: ‘The more fame we got, the more girls came to see us, everybody making a noise so that nobody could hear us’.  John Lennon agreed that ‘it was great when it first started, but then it became a little boring’.

What could they do to stop the mania and be taken seriously as musicians?

Did they issue demands from the stage, as Bieber did, that everyone please scream only BETWEEN songs and not DURING but also NOT between songs when they’re trying to talk?

Maybe they could have introduced a clear system of signalling, as Bieber obviously longs to do, so their adoring fans are notified about when they are allowed to scream, thereby ensuring the listening of every note and also the removal of every ounce of passion they have for their pop Gods which cannot be contained, must not be contained, because this is the place where they are free to feel, to pour out all their tweenage feelings of isolation and rejection by experiencing the hysterical joy of being in the same space as their idols along with all the other fans, all of them intoxicated by the feeling that they belong somewhere, that they belong to someone, believe in someone, love someone.

THAT is a gift to share. THAT puts smiles on faces, or at least it will when the crying’s over.

So, how did the Beatles try to put an end to the screaming? They stopped performing. Stopped touring. Meanwhile their fans carried on growing up while they carried on writing and recording and growing in to an altogether more fantastic four.

Fingers on lips Justin.

If you shut-up for a bit, go away and grow-up for a bit, so will they…