Oh good things are happening people!
Last night I stood up on a stage again and not only did I manage not to yak on the front row, I also kinda ENJOYED it.
Despite hardly any sleep (’tis true what they say about the adrenalin – I must not ever be near heroin if I keep doing this performance shizzle, plus I mostly drank coke all night coz I is a professional so was up half the night weeing) I got up this morning and had a fantabulous morning at work, then rocked straight off to another couples counselling session with Gwyneth (a far bigger fear of mine than any stand-up show).
Oh, ENOUGH with the being frightened all the time! What’s the worst that could happen (apart from yakking on strangers and seeing the disintegration of your marriage)?
As the miraculous Billy Button is famous for singing (look him up): ‘Everybody is somebody’ which, when you hear him deliver it, is as meaningful as life should ever get.
At the school disco yesterday, youngest had a loathsome time. I was gobbing off on the mic as usual (note the word ‘on’ in that sentence please) organising daft dance competitions and games of sleeping zombies. He just hung around limply in his monster outfit, waiting and then begging for me to stand in the queue with him for the lucky dip and the facepainting stall.
Like a scene from that movie, Mummy Deareast, I was being a right jolly clown for all the other children whilst shouting at my own child (off-mic, mostly) to JUST WAIT A BLOODY MINUTE UNTIL I’VE JUDGED THE FANCY-DRESS COMPETITION…
Then his sister arrived unannounced. He hates his sister. He makes a point of going in to her room every night so he can smack her in the face. But there, in that hideous brawl of screaming kids and even-louder-screaming mother, he was so overwhelmingly happy to see her.
He jumped up and down and if his friends weren’t there I think he would have hugged her. She took him off to get his face painted while I quietly wept behind the speakers for a mo, sad that it took me being an actual witch at the Halloween disco for him to realise his sister is an angel, but filled with joy that for a moment he saw her as the hugely loving and protective angel that she is.
Later at the grown-up gig (I use the term loosely – is gloriously daft), I watched as my Dad sat on a stool by the bar. He’d got stuck in horrendous traffic on the way up and hadn’t even eaten, but there he was, guzzling pinot, chatting to everyone and making me feel like I was totally all over it.
And Gwyneth was there, filming me and calming me and buying me chips at the end. And yes I did report that excellent husband behaviour to our couples therapist this afternoon…
Many friends are suffering tonight. That cancer bug keeps biting hard. But for tonight at least, I’m ok.
I do hope you are too…
Ps. Am desp trying to upload the vid of me to my fb page…if you would care to check me out there…