We are holiday myth-busting here!

Myth: After eating you must wait half an hour before swimming. (Said by every mother in the 1970’s).

Truth: You can totally swim after consuming a mountain of paella because you are just lolling about in the sea, having a little wee and not attempting to break the 100 metre breaststroke world record.

Myth: You must not drink the local tap water. This includes ice in drinks. This includes boiled water. You must not even brush your teeth with it.

Truth: It’s fine. Turns out these Spaniards are not savages and care about clean water as much as we do!

Myth: It is the height of rudeness to not at least attempt to speak the local language.

Truth: They love you. They want you to have a wonderful time. They want you to buy their shizzle and eat in their restaurants. Because their town is so beautiful and they are so welcoming, they receive visitors from across the globe and are adept at the basics in most European languages. If you wanna say “patatas fritas por favor” they will love it, but if you don’t, they will not spit in your food.

Myth: Because side-street tapas bars do not observe basic hygiene rules like keeping fresh fish chilled and covered, handling it only whilst wearing food-prep gloves and cooking it using only spotlessly clean equipment, you are very unlikely to get out of there alive.

Truth: You can totally eat fish that’s been left out on display in the heat all day in the company of ten thousand flies, as has been done for hundreds of years so that the old fellas at the bar can point to exactly which one they want fried to go with their syrupy sweet lunchtime wine, and whilst you mildly gag at the sight of the bare hands of the proprietor with layers of thick black gunk under his long fingernails, stroking the fish you’ve just selected before throwing it onto a griddle caked in grease and dead flies and cooking it with a fag hanging out of the corner of his mouth, it is the most delicious fish you’ve ever tasted and you do not die.

Today we are repeatedly testing the myth that cold beer tastes better when consumed in the sun.

I can confirm that so far, this one is holding up…