Now look, I know everything’s going tits-up at the mo politics-wise, but the crucial fact is that there ARE actual tits involved.
We have boobies in the game guys! We have actual live WOMEN in charge of stuff all over the place!
Our new Prime Minister, Treeeza (as we say it in non-posh circles) is right now standing inside No.10, grimacing at Samcam’s modernised open-plan interior space and stainless steel kitchen and wondering if her lush Persian rug will fit in there (she knows she’s meant to say ‘Iranian’ instead of ‘Persian’ these days but honestly darling, it just doesn’t sound as expensive and ethnicy) and whilst her politics may make you YAK, the fact remains she is an ACTUAL WOMAN IN CHARGE OF EVERYTHING.
Her nearest rival was also a woman which meant that for a few days, the political debate resembled a thread on mumsnet where one bunch of mummies got themselves all screwed up about how being a mummy makes you superior whilst another bunch said, whatevs babes, gin tastes the same if you’ve grown summit in your womb or not…
On the other side of our political discourse (which in fact resembles a decagon with more sides than anyone can possibly understand or follow without passing out and dreaming of David Steel and Neil Kinnock) a woman with the audacity to actually wear PINK tells us that she is the person to take the Labour party forward even though when she said it she looked like she was launching a new anti-odour vaginal cream called Angela.
A teeny bit further afield is Leanne Wood of Plaid Cymru and Nicola Sturgeon of the SNP and they also have boobies and are in charge of stuff.
In Germany there is right now a woman in charge and her name is also Angela but she is not launching a vaginal cream.
Meanwhile in the US, the first ever woman is (pray to your feminist God, i.e. Germaine Greer) about to be elected President and she sometimes even talks about women!
You know what, let’s list some countries with boobies in charge:
Bangladesh, South Korea, Chile, Costa Rica, Brazil, India, Argentina, Liberia, Lithuania, Croatia, Norway, Malta and you know I’m not an actual journalist right? I’m not a natural fact-checker and I can’t be bothered to work out how many countries there are on the planet and how many of them are run by boobies, but it looks to me like we are doing BETTER running-countries-wise and even if some of these women are actually mental dictators they still have boobies and that still makes me YELP with joy.
Oh Annagram – please will you STOP persistently referring to boobies. It is degrading. To define a woman by her sex is to diminish her. But until boobies are a regular feature at the top and therefore merit no mention, I will continue to draw attention to them. Otherwise it’s like Obama coming into office and nobody mentioning that he’s black. I want to shout about boobies in charge! Even if they’re Tory boobies!
I want my kids to live in a world where any woman can be Prime Minister of her country.
There’s a twelve year old girl called Isra’a in a terrifying fight for survival in my kitchen every night at the mo. Her home in Aleppo is destroyed. Her education forgotten. Her tremendous strength of spirit and her awesome parents are all she has left. When faced with hours of trekking in the pouring rain she declares, “walking in the rain is nice!” and her brilliant Mum joins in saying, “this is the best holiday I’ve ever had!” as she pushes her disabled child and youngest baby in a pushchair towards a border check where babies are dying while they wait.
In twenty or thirty or forty years time, we need Isra’a returned to Aleppo and elected President of Syria. That girl could do it tomorrow. Wherever you are now Isra’a (the last episode of this epic doc, Exodus, is on tonight so I don’t know if you made it to Germany yet), you need to get ready; be on the school council, chair the debating society, organise the school play and don’t let ANYONE convince you that your boobies preclude you from being in charge of your motherland and sorting all that shit out.
PS. Note to our Treeeza: I have kids and can confirm it’s RUBBISH. If you’re struggling to care about the future of our country, you can always borrow my twats for the day; corporal punishment and compulsory gin-addiction will be law by the close of play…